I have no solutions to life problems that you may be facing now. I will probably not be able to understand the pain that you are going through to fill up that need.
Sometimes we try to comfort ourselves by telling ourselves that it will be better this way. That life have better plans for us. That if I become a better person, things will turn for the better. Perhaps it will, perhaps it wouldnt.
Perhaps you still have a sofa that you can update to something more loving and soft. A place where you can rest and recharge to fulfill your dreams and heart longing.